


Queen Anne's Lace and Stars in Space

by strawberiglitch (noahliza)



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Catharsis, Gen, Zine: The Shadow You Cast: A Vanitas Appreciation Zine (Kingdom Hearts), introspective, vanitas takes a hike
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:02:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27312319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noahliza/pseuds/strawberiglitch
Summary: Alone in a strange forest, Vanitas has only his thoughts and feelings for company. But, maybe, the life around him can be better company than he thinks.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	Queen Anne's Lace and Stars in Space

**Author's Note:**

> i!!!! am so excited to finally post this!!!! my vanitas zine piece, finally uploaded hehe
> 
> there will be a collection to make finding the other zine pieces easier, so please check the other ones out once i've got this added to the collection!!!
> 
> please enjoy, i worked very hard on this💕

Vanitas ran. 

He slid down a hill of soft dirt into the dense greenery below. Here, under a canopy of trees covered in vines that would slowly choke the life out of them, he might belong. He could run until he collapsed, join the scattered bones of animals hidden under the foliage. 

_ Emptiness. _ Vanitas wasn't sure when he learned what his name meant, but he was sure he would never forget. He wondered if Xehanort had meant for him to know this, or if he'd just wanted to silently mock. He'd been called an  _ 'empty creature' _ so many times, and it hurt all the more to know every utterance of his name itself had held the same meaning.

Everything hurt, really, but this hurt was one of the worst. It was true, after all. Empty, useless, worthless. He'd failed at his only real task, his only purpose in life. 

_ Ventus… why? _

He wanted to be angry, to  _ hate _ , to blame Ventus for their failure. For  _ his _ failure. He wanted to hate Xehanort for doing this to them, for splitting him from  _ himself  _ and then being allowed to die with dignity, years later. He wanted to hate the universe; this place he wasn't supposed to exist in, wasn't a part of.

Now, Vanitas was too tired for anger. Too tired for hate. 

He continued through the woods. 

All the while he stomped through the brush, not caring what life was being disturbed underfoot. Not  _ wanting _ to care, at least. He kept his eyes cast downward, watching his steps, watching himself crush the plants in his way. 

Something scurried away from him. A small animal of some kind. It ran erratically, as if it were blinded by the beams of light filtering through the trees. Vanitas' heart sank. He must have just destroyed its home. Part of him wanted to be satisfied,  _ good, now it's like me, nowhere to go _ . 

No satisfaction came.

Vanitas pushed the creature from his mind and walked on, more carefully now. He was thankful for the quiet of the woods. It felt like a hidden place just for him. Somewhere liminal. Under the thick canopy of trees, it felt like time was frozen. Without the harsh light of the sun, there was no real way to gauge the passing of time.

Eventually, Vanitas found a dirt path winding through the woods. It was narrow and worn evenly; clearly whatever made it was careful to walk in the exact same spot each pass. He followed along, deciding to see where it went. 

The further he walked, the stranger it felt to have such a clear-cut path in the middle of the woods like this. He started to wonder what had made this path, where it led. If the path was some sort of territorial marking that would be protected.

_ If whatever made this path tries to attack me, I'm sure I'm strong enough to defeat it. _

Somewhat reassured by the thought, Vanitas went on, idly taking in his surroundings. Trees towered over him, branches stretching out and forming the leafy ceiling that blocked the vast, empty sky from his view. Lower down was a constant tangle of plants, bushes and thorns and vines and leaves that were so  _ many _ he couldn't tell where each one started or ended. 

Alongside all the green were bunches of plants he didn’t recognize. Tall stalks with yellow tail-shaped tops, and others with big clusters of tiny white bits. After taking a closer look, Vanitas realized they looked sort of like flowers. But that couldn't be right, could it? Flowers were the things that grew in Radiant Garden, things that were planted and cared for specifically because they looked nice. There's no reason why flowers would be in a place like this, where no one would ever see them. It didn’t make sense.

Further down the path, Vanitas found a swath of blackened trees, some barely even left as stumps. He approached, curious, and realized they must have been burned at some point.  _ But, why?  _ It made no sense. Why  _ these _ trees, and not any of the others? 

He inspected one closely, feeling the bark crumble like charcoal at his touch. Something like this, so large and sturdy, reduced to a hollow, blackened shell. Vanitas rubbed his fingers together, soot smearing over his gloves. He jerked his head back up and gazed at the tree listlessly.

_ Hollow, blackened shell. Empty.  _

Vanitas swung, and his fist connected with rotting, crumbling wood. Adrenaline rushed through him, saving him from the landslide of despair that would surely bury him otherwise. He lashed out again, and the burnt-out husk creaked and toppled over easily. He frantically stomped it, smashing the more burnt parts into chunks of soot, grinding it into the ground with the soles of his boots. 

Breathing raggedly, Vanitas finally stopped. No feeling of satisfaction nor vindication came. Instead, weariness set into his bones.

Vanitas returned to the comfort of the living trees.

The filtered light from above suddenly became brighter, harsh to Vanitas' unadjusted eyes as he came to a break in the woods. There, in front of him was the nastiest, scummiest pond he'd ever seen. He walked closer, trying to observe his surroundings more closely. A large portion of the pond's surface was covered in algae, but the rest was untouched, revealing the murkiness of the water itself.

Leaning ever closer, he tried to peer into the water, to see if it held any sort of life aside from the massive algae bloom. 

It only reflected Sora's face back at him. 

He grimaced and looked away, then forced himself to look back again. The murky, stagnant water mocked him, insulted him by muddying his features - his identity. It felt… dirty to look at his reflection and see  _ his _ face, rather than Ventus'. 

It is a harsh reminder that he is  _ Vanitas. _ He will always  _ be  _ Vanitas. He's no longer part of Ventus, and he will never be part of Ventus again. 

He retreated into the trees, into the shade, away from the light. Away from his - from  _ Sora’s _ \- face. Back under the leafy canopy of trees. Further and further, to a small brook. 

He glanced at it warily, from far away, then stepped forward and dared to look. The ripples of the current hid his face from view. Better. 

He hopped over the brook with ease. 

He landed gracefully, solidly on the ground on the opposite side and kept moving right away, no need to find his balance. The path continued on, so he did too. 

Somehow, the constant  _ green  _ around him hadn’t become tiresome. Every tree was different. Every bush, vine, stem, and leaf all their own. It was dizzying to take in. It felt like it should be impossible, but the distinctions were clear. 

A loud  _ caw _ sliced through Vanitas’ thoughts from somewhere nearby, and echoed through the trees. With that came an eruption of noise. 

Vanitas realized then that he’d been hearing it the whole time - blocking it out, deciding for himself that the woods were silent. It was a raucous thing, locusts, crickets, other bugs and birds that all had their own songs to sing. All set to the subtle sound of breeze rustling through the leaves. It was soothing, calm despite the individual parts’ chaos.

Vanitas froze at the treeline, mere steps away from another clearing.

Barely ten feet in front of him was a deer. 

_ It’s… it’s not running. It doesn’t seem like it even knows I’m here.  _

Stunned into silence, Vanitas kept still as he looked around the rest of the clearing. There were three more deer further out, their heads down in the grass. Two of them were tiny, covered in white spots; but the third was large and brown all over. 

_ How are there so many? None of them are running away.  _

He realized he’d been holding his breath, and he exhaled as quietly as he could. By all means he shouldn’t care. Prey animals, dumb and weak, good for nothing but feeding the strong. In the moment, though, this felt significant. Important in some inexplicable way.

One of the larger deer snapped its head up, ears pricked forward. Alert. Vanitas listened too, but couldn’t hear anything. The other deer looked up as well and the first made a low, loud sort of noise. At that, all four took off and disappeared into the woods across the clearing.

Vanitas kept still, letting the moment sink in before he walked into the clearing where the first deer had stood. More of those strange, weed-like flowers were all around him. 

Dusk fell soon after. Vanitas hadn’t even realized it had started getting dark. He wasn’t in any rush to head back out into the forest, and so he stuck around in the clearing. The bugs apparently liked the dark, their rattly singing growing louder and louder as time passed. 

It was nearly pitch-black when Vanitas glanced up at the sky, then did a double-take. The stars here were unlike anything he’d seen before. Different than they’d ever seemed to him. The sky had always been a cold, uncaring void. Something only to tell the time of day or check for rain.

Here, in the clearing, the night sky was striking to behold. 

He’d never seen so many stars, never seen such a cloudless night. Everywhere he looked, every area of sky he could focus on. There were somehow more and more and more stars. It was dizzying.

Vanitas fell back onto the grass, laying down to take in as much sky as he possibly could. His mind spun blissfully - everything inside felt peaceful. A strange sort of vertigo set in the longer he lay, and he let it take him. He reached out , and felt like he could cup the stars in his hands.


End file.
